The place no one wants to be
by KittyScarlet
Summary: This is a response to a challenge called Dr. Phil meets Sweeney Todd. Mr. Todd and Mrs. Lovett find themselves with dr. Phil on his show but i theres no crowd responses or anything ok? R
1. Dr Phil's show

**Hi! Someone has made a challenge, and I will accept! So with out father ado**

**The place no one wants to be**

**This is a response to a challenge called Dr. Phil meets Sweeney Todd. **

**So that's it. No wait I forgot something!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sweeney Todd, not even the DVD. Sniff T.T! **

**And you have to read the story to understand this statement: If you just tricked your brother into walking into a wall you'd be pretty giddy and happy. **

"Well were back with Mr. Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Nellie Lovett!" said Dr. Phil

A man that had back hair with one white stripe and a woman with unruly, curly red hair were pushed on stage.

"Well that was rude," was the first thing to come out of Mrs. Lovett's mouth.

"Where are we?" was what Sweeney first asked.

"Your on dr. Phil!" exclaimed the doctor.

"Who in bloody hell is 'Dr. Phil'," Mr. Todd asked.

"Well, me." Dr. Phil.

"Well what are we doin 'ere?" Nellie asked.

"Well…." Dr. Phil not really knowing the answer. "Hmmm, why don't you two just take a seat?"

Sweeney just sighed and waked over to the seats this Phil was pointing to, Mrs. Lovett flowed.

Mrs. Lovett then muttered quietly "Oh I hope Toby can keep the shop running until we get outta this mad house 'ere."

They both sat down.

"So, today we have Sweeney Todd and Nellie Lovett, How are you?" He asked

"Mighty confused," Mrs. Lovett replied.

"And you Mr. Todd?"

"I'm not sure," he said slowly.

"Well you have to be feeling something!"

"I don't have feelings therefore I cannot feel."

"Come on Mr. Todd, everyone can feel."

"Yeah everyone, but me."

Mrs. Lovett couldn't help but smile at the doctors try's and fails.

"What kind of doctor are you anyway?" Mr. Todd asked, smirking a little.

"I'm a therapist."

"Oh I see," He said then leaned over to whisper into Mrs. Lovett's ear with no one else hearing "ah, the perfect pie would call for some therapist, a little security guard and maybe some of the guy who forced us into this place where no one wants to be."

Mrs. Lovett giggled and Dr. Phil looked confused.

"Well Mrs. Lovett how do you deal with this crazy man that lives above you?"

"'E's not crazy!" she exclaimed. \

"Are you sure?" Dr. Phil asked

"Well his hair is a little on the weird side…" she trailed off.

"My hair? Have you ever looked in a mirror?"

"Yes."

"I wasn't taking about appearances," Dr. Phil said.

"Well we are now!" snapped Nellie.

"Well what's so wrong with my hair anyway? I was in prison for fifteen years, and they don't have very good barbers."

"Yes well I wasn't saying it is BAD just your hair could use some work, and I know mine could too, but with all the work I have."

"Well I do suppose you have lots of work to do."

"Your damn right I do," she muttered under her breath.

"So is there a pain reason were 'ere? Or do you just like to watch us be dumbfounded on your little thingy you got goin on 'ere?" Mrs. Lovett.

"Well since I'm a therapist, you're here to get though the problems you have, well Mrs. Lovett your really here more for moral support since this is more focused on Mr. Todd."

"Ha-ha you need therapy," Mrs. Lovett said looking at Mr. Todd.

"Do not!"

"That's not what the therapist said!"

"Well he lies cuz I don't." Sweeney said folding his arms across his chest.

"Now Mr. Todd, what is the real reason behind your murderous rampage?" Dr. Phil asked.

"Murderous rampage what ever are you talking of?" Sweeney asked, keeping his cool.

"It's ok Mr. Todd I know all about it."

"No you don't."

"Uhh yeah I do."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Ok you guys that is enough!" Mrs. Lovett finally said.

"Well Mr. Todd will you share, you secret with me?" Dr. Phil asked.

"Do I have to?" he asked

"Yeah."

"Well I want revenge."

"And how is that going for you? Isn't it enough that all those innocent men are dieing because of you and you cruel ways?"

"Well…"

"That's what I thought."

"And what will you do when you kill the judge? After you've had your revenge?"

"Uhhhhhhh."

"That's what I thought. Why do you want revenge?"

"Lucy, he hurt my Lucy, no one will get away with that."

"But do you really think Lucy would want you to do this? No, she wouldn't if she had any kind of sense she'd want you to be happy, not live in the past."

"Well…."

"But we will also give Mr. Turpin what he deserves. Right now it's probably twenty-five to life."

"In prison? Well I guess that's a fair since I was only in Australia for fifteen years, well Benjamin Barker was,"

"Umm Mr. Phil-"Mrs. Lovett started but was cut off.

"Dr. Phil, my last name is McGraw."

"Ok Dr. Phil is Mr. T goin to go to jail too?"

"Very good question, but know, since I'm technically not born yet and no one else knows he killed so many people the answer is no."

"You're not born yet?" Mr. T asked.

"Not technically, no."

The two had wide eyes.

"Then 'ow 'ill you put Jude Tupin away if yur not born."

"That's easier done then said, you see it's all very complex…"

"Well I don't really care as long as he pays." Sweeney said.

"Yes and, wouldn't' it be better if 'e suffered instead of dieing, love?" Mrs. Lovett asked.

"Well yes I do suppose being in a filthy jail when he is used to every luxury, will make him quite miserable," he said, smiling, well kind of smirking but more happy then usual.

"Well now that that's out of the way, Mrs. Lovett would you like to say anything?"

"Yeah, can we go home yet?"

Dr. Phil laughs then gets serious "no."

Both Eleanor and Sweeney sigh.

"Well now it's time to turn our attention to you Mrs. Lovett."

"Ha-ha you need therapy too!" Mr. Todd teased.

"Not as much as you do," she retorted.

"Pssh ya right!"

"Well at least I'm not obsessed with blood and razors!"

"Yes but you are obsessed with something," Dr. Phil said.

"What?"

"Yes, you are obsessed with something or rather someone." He looked at Sweeney who didn't even catch on.

"I am not!"

"Yes you are and you must admit it to your self,"

"What if I don't wanna?"

"Well you have to want to admit it how else can you?"

"By forcing yourself ta, but why would ya wanna do that?"

"Hmm yes well you could but, also it's impossible to hide things from yourself, and you know what you want and dream, but you also have to admit you have a problem."

"I do not 'ave a problem!"

"Well maybe not but, you have to tell this person your true feelings."

"No, no, no I can't do that, hey wait! I kinda already did that though, does that mean I 'ave ta do it again?"

"Ummm…"

They both look at Sweeney who wasn't paying any attention, whatsoever.

"What?" he asked

Mrs. Lovett giggled and Dr. Phil sighed.

"Would you like to say anything to Mr. Todd, Mrs. Lovett?"

"Nope," she said a bright smile on her face.

"Come on, I'm sure you have something to say."

"Oh yes of course! Mr. T, now that Turpin is in jail can we move by the sea?"

"Sure, sure whatever." Sweeney said not really caring.

Dr. Phil looked un-amused, while Nellie looked like a little girl who just tricked her brother into walking into a wall and Sweeney looked deep in thought/ bored out of his mind.

"Mrs. Lovett, how about telling you feelings toward Mr. Todd?"

"How 'bout somethin else?" she asked.

"No."

"Please!?" she whined

"You need to say this and get on with your life!"

"Can't I just live with me fantasies instead?"

"No."

"Is no all you can say?!"

"No."

Mrs. Lovett sighed and whispered "I'm gonna needa bottlea gin after this."

"So are you ready to tell Mr. Todd?"

"No."

"C'mon yeah you are! And you said you did before so no big deal right?"

"Well I didn't exactly tell 'im just kind of…"

"Well knows your chance. Mr. Todd, Mrs. Lovett has something to tell you."

"Yes?" he said.

"Mr. Todd I uh…" she stopped.

"Go on," Dr. Phil encouraged.

"I don't know how!!!"

Mr. Todd went back to his own world.

"Just go out and say it!"

"Fine!"

"Mr. Todd, Mrs. Lovett is finally ready to tell you something."

"Mr. T, I think I'm in love with you."

"Yes, I kinda figured that."

"Well that's all the time we have for today! See you next time on Dr. Phil!" Dr. Phil said.

**Well that's it I might make an epilogue chapter if the voice inside my head convinces me, or if any readers want one. **


	2. moving!

I got some reviews saying they wanted more so

**I got some reviews saying they wanted more so…**

**I own nothing! Jeez why put me through such pain of saying it T.T? **

Nellie and Sweeney are back to the shop in London. 

"Now thank god that's over, eh love?" Mrs. Lovett. 

"Yeah." 

"MUM! There you are! Where did you go?" asked a worried Toby, running up and hugging Nellie. 

"Oh Mr. Todd and I just went out for a walk, I jus' forgot to tell ye I s'pose." 

"Oh well I thought somethin could've happened to you. I was so worried! Promise you'll remember to tell me next time?" 

"Of course love I don't know where me head was to forget you." 

"Ah! Mr. Todd do you remember what you said on our 'walk'?" 

"Uhh… that I don't feel?" he tried. 

"No." 

"What the perfect pie would consist of?" 

"No." 

"That your hair needed work?!" 

"NO!" 

"What then?!" 

Mrs. Lovett sighed and said "That we could move, by the sea."

"Oh yes, well there's no sense in living here. But do you remember what you said?" 

"Um, why don't you just tell me, instead of me making a fool of meself?" 

"Ok then, you said you loved me." 

"Well I do. Now I'm going to start to pack," Nellie said with a smile, he looked at her like she was crazy. (SHE'S the crazy one here!?) 

Toby saw the look Mr. Todd was giving his mum, laughed and said "I'm not very old but I know that man will never know the mystery behind woman, will they?" 

Sweeney looked at him smiled and said "No lad I don't think we ever will." 

Now Toby was freaked, never seeing the barber smile a real smile, only a smirk. 

When Sweeney saw the weird look on Toby's face he lost his smile and asked "What?" 

"Nothing sir, it's just I've never seen ya smile before." Toby smiled again, so did Mr. Todd 

"Well that's because I've not had anything to smile about." Sweeney said then shrugged his shoulders. 

A couple minutes later they saw some police wagon that had Judge Turpin in it. 

"HA! That waste of life is finally getting wot he deserves!" Sweeney said triumphantly. 

Mrs. Lovett walks in and asks "Is Turpin in jail?" 

"Yup!" Sweeney replied happily. 

"Well, what are ye waiting for? Go get packed!" Nellie said, beaming. Mr. Todd got up and went up to his place. 

"Toby, pet will you help mum pack the few things she has left?" 

"Sure!" 

In a matter of moments they were all standing in the shop. 

"Well I've got me money, now alls we need is a carriage." Mrs. Lovett said.

"I've already arranged that, my dear," Sweeney said smiling. Eleanor gasped when he called he "dear" and to see he was smiling.

"So how about we leave now?" Toby asked. 

"What happened to you accent?" Sweeney asked. 

"It died. You killed it." 

"Did not!"

"Yeah you did." 

"Toby! Stop the foolishness we 'ave to leave." Mrs. Lovett said.

"Ok but expect more randomness to come. And just to let you know were not going to be able to get a house by the sea." 

"Why not?" 

"Cuz it's the place you want to be. Things can't be how we want it or else, it won't be funny or interesting." 

"What?" Sweeney and Nellie said at the same time.

"Didn't you hear me the first time? I'm not repeating all that." 

"Ok then, no by the sea. How about… Scotland?" Mr. Todd suggested 

"Do you like Scotland?" Toby asked

"Not particularly but any place is better the London." 

"Good enough for me. Let's go."

Mrs. Lovett sighed and picked up her bags. 

They all got in a carriage, told the driver to take them to Scotland she said, "Umm ok I don't know how to get there, so I'll just use google maps." 

"Like I said more randomness to come." Toby said to his mum and Mr. T. 

"Hmm well in real time it might take like a bill days to get from London to Scotland but in my magical world is shouldn't take long." 

"Uhhh o...k, I guess…" Sweeney said confused by the driver. 

"Randomness." Toby said in a sing-song voice. 

"Toby, 'ow do you know that randomness is comin?" Nellie asked. 

"I'm physic."

"Right." Mr. Todd said. 

"Well I just know ok." 

"Ok." Mrs. Lovett said.

"Well how far along are we to Scotland?" Mr. Todd asked the driver. 

"Not too far."

"What?! We just got on the road," Mrs. Lovett said. 

"Oh my gosh! Already? What did we fall asleep and not notice?" Sweeney asked. 

"NO! Jeez I said randomness didn't I? Maybe I should make it clearer. Crazy, random, impossible things _will_ happen to us, oh and there'll be stupid stuff too." 

"Hmmm ok then… how about we have a sing along?" Mr. Todd asked. 

"Ok then." Mrs. Lovett said smiling. 

They sang a wack of random songs. 

With Anthony and Johanna.

They were sitting cross-legged and the middle of the floor, chocolate and a bottle of gin sitting in between them. 

"You know Anthony this is a great idea for a honey moon." Johanna said smiling. 

"Hehe, yeah I guess…"

"You just want to get laid right?" 

"What? No!" he lied. 

"Oh ok then, never mind." Johanna shrugged and hid a smirk. 

"Well if you wan to-" he was cut of by her kissing him fiercely. 

Enough said… unless your really, really dumb. 

**Haha well I better put this up know, before someone kills me (nervous laugh) mostly cuz I said I would get this done like a bill years ago. And if you liked Anthony and Johanna then not to worry, and ever if you don't, there will be more of them to come. **


End file.
